It's Friday, which means its time for another mashup. This week, North Avenue Beach in Chicago officially opened for the summer, and we can start playing volleyball again. Instead of dwelling on our second round playoff exit last year, team Camels and Elephants is looking ahead to the future and will be practicing in full contact mode on Sunday (let us know if you're interested in joining). To kick off the season properly, this week's mashup brings together two of my favorites. Click through to the full post to see!
Beach Volleybama
Apologies to BigChicken, whose space and legs from the original picture, Obama now occupies.
Friday, May 30, 2008
Friday "Things I Like" Mashup: Politics and Recreational Summertime Sand Activity
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
It's not us, it's you, Fadilicious.
Editor's note: This was written before Fadilicious hastily posted his first piece in nearly three months after being tipped off to his impending termination by an Alnonymous informant. I have decided to publish it anyway since I thought you would enjoy it.
It's been nearly 2 months since Fadilicious' last post and he has officially squandered the outpouring of goodwill from those who voiced support to keep him. Al and I have encouraged him several times behind the scenes to post and he just hasn't made an effort. Because of his lack of motivation and recent budget cuts due to our financial situation, I am sad to announce that Fadilicious has been demoted to "guest blogger who will probably still never write anything." Yes, our ad revenue hasn't been pouring in like we'd hoped and we can no longer afford his fake health insurance. Luckily he has his second job to fall back on, and we look forward to seeing him around the office.
Crap, I got the year wrong, but it feels like over a year since he posted...
I know that you're saying to yourselves, "But Mazerino, it's called Camels and Elephants. It doesn't work with only one of each." You are absolutely correct, and in light of this problem and our dwindling readership (you're a fickle bunch), we've decided to re-brand. We will now be known as "Camel Sand Elephant S." Sure it doesn't sound as great, but we'll be able to keep our URL intact. That's something, right? Check out this leaked mockup of our new logo:
On an unrelated note, we are currently hiring bloggers whose names start with S. Those named Sandy will likely get preferential treatment.
Calling All Cows*
Ladies, now is your chance to get up close and personal with the Camels and Elephants. We need females for our co-ed recreational volleyball team. So, if you're available to play at North Avenue Beach in Chicago on Thursday nights, leave a message in the comments or send an email to camelsandelephants [at] gmail [dot] com.
*Remember that female camels and elephants are called cows.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Controversial Statement Tuesday: Gas Edition
I love higher gas prices
I’m sick of the daily weeping in the news and all around me over rising gas prices. Now I don’t own a car and I hate driving but I can’t seem to shed a tear for those who weep about gas prices. Here are my reasons.
1) If I’m ever in a car or cab going down any highway the number of people driving alone in a car which should fit at least 5 is sinful if you believe in God and immoral if you don’t. If all those lone rangers would just car pool and make some friends in the process this place would be so much better.
2) When gas prices go up people drive less, the freeway is emptier, and I get to where I want go faster. Hurray.
3) People will drive less = Cleaner air. Hurray.
4) People will drive less = Less oil money being spent in countries which don’t like the US. Hurray.
5) Gas prices go up = People will start to find alternatives. Now some may be bad (ethanol etc.) but I’m sure in time we may find something sustainable (biking, not traveling, cars running on air)
I can go on but I shall stop and refill my tank.
Friday, May 23, 2008
Friday "Things I Like" Mashup: Politics and Maternity Wear Slogan Edition
Sorry for the tardiness on this post, but after work I got sucked into a marathon GTA 4 session and then Michelle and I hit a rough patch after I found out she was lying to me. That's a post of its own, hopefully next week. After that mess, I had a wonderful dinner with my parents at Frankie's in the Bloomingdale's mall downtown. They have pretty good pizza and the bar has Left Handed Milk Stout for fellow beer enthusiasts. Anyway, there is a point to this digression, because after dinner we walked by a maternity store and my sister snapped this week's mashup picture (click the link to see the pic):
Mama for Obama
Clearly, the makers of this t-shirt have Friday "Things Mazerino Likes" Fever as they've done all the work for me this week. Camels and Elephants mania is sweeping the nation one textile maker at a time.
Unfortunately, I don't know any ladies who are expecting (sorry Eileen, it could have been yours). And since Michelle and I hit a rough patch, it doesn't look like I'll be fathering anytime soon.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Melting Ice
Last week, I received an errant text from a 567 area code number (Northwest Ohio). I know it wasn't meant for me because, while my phone number is from the same area (419 represent!), the only NW Ohio texts I get are from Momerino 3 to 17 times a day. This particular message was perplexing for a couple reasons. Here it is in its unedited glory:
"I dont care if come i was just wondering y u would ~Ice"
1. How do you mistext someone? I refuse to believe anyone who refers to himself as Ice is pulling digits, but if he met an unsuspecting lady at a bar and she gave him a fake number, surely this wouldn't be his first attempt at courtship. So, assuming he's having a text-versation with someone, and this is a follow-up to a previous message, then that means Ice is typing in his friend's number every time he sends him/her a text. Which makes him a moron for not knowing how to program his phone.
2. The message makes no grammatical sense. Ice's grasp of the English language is severely lacking. I plugged "come" into T9word and alternate words include "bone," "bond," "Anne" and "bonfire." So, I can only surmise that he meant "I don't care if you come i was just wondering y u would."
3. Ice's time- and keystroke-saving strategies are flawed at best. While it is commonplace to replace words like "why" and "you" with "y" and "u," it makes you sound like a 12 year old girl. Furthermore, if Ice really wanted to save himself some time, he could have eliminated "just" and his stupid signoff, "~Ice." If you're sending a message to someone, they know who you are, and finding a tilde (~) on T9 is time-consuming. I had to hit "1" and scroll 26 times to find it on my phone.
Lessons to be learned from this: Don't send text messages unless you choose the correct contact, proofread, and use big kid words.
Ice, if u somehow stumble upon this and were inviting me to a bonfire i apologize.. I an flattered but i dont want 2 in wit u. ~Maz
Monday, May 19, 2008
Friday, May 16, 2008
Friday "Things I Like" Mashup: Politics and Rated M For Mature Video Games Edition
Anyone who's read my last post has to know where this one is going. I'm going to change up the format a bit from previous mashups by having you click through to the post to see this week's version though.
This week, I purchased Grand Theft Auto 4 for PS3, and I've been playing it non-stop. It was also a good week for my favorite politician, Obama, as he picked up some supers and an endorsement from John Edwards. So, to honor our good weeks, I hereby declare this week's mashup to be:
Grand Theft Auto-bama 4
I would have spent much more time preparing this picture and post, but I had to get back to playing the game. Until next time,
--Mazerino
Mazerino <3 Michellerino 4 Ever
Generally, I don't make a habit about posting the intimate personal details online, but something in my personal life has detracted from my blogging life. So, I'm coming clean. I've found love, and I don't care who knows it! Sorry ladies, but I met my new lady, Michelle, on Monday and it's been a whirlwind romance so far. We've already gone on 4 dates (yowsers!) and I am confident she's the one. If I had to estimate our fondness for each other, I'd put it at around 97%. Similarly to most people in relationships, I will be abandoning my real friends (you loyal readers) for the lady I love and my posts will be fewer and further between.
I apologize, but in our brief courtship we haven't been able to take any pictures together--I promise we'll hit up the Glamour Shots at the mall soon--so I had to Photoshop Microsoft Paint us together. To see more of me and Michelle*, click the full post link below:
I don't even care that she's been with 6 million other guys in the last week.
*Ok, that's not the real Michelle, but I spent 30 mins looking for a picture of her on the Internet when I could have been playing GTA 4.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Politicious Edition - Why wouldn't she quit?
If the math doesn't work for her, what is Hillary's rational for staying in the race? To put it in John King's words (since "no one does it better than John"), "it is not impossible for her to win, but it is next to impossible". I know she is convinced that she is a better candidate to win the general elections, but that is irrelevant since every candidate thinks that way. I say this is pure selfishness on her part and the arguments she is giving are all rubbish.
May I beg the favor to know the opinion of our dear and faithful readers?
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Douche of the Week: Keith and Lanarino's Upstairs Neighbor Edition
Although an overwhelming number of you haven't forgiven him, Al's reign as chief douche is officially over with this guest submission from Keith (or something that starts with a K, I always forget) and Lanarino in Columbus, O-H-I-shut up. This marks our first ever guest column that isn't a column at all, but a picture instead. Enjoy.
Makes sense, although Al may take issue with the douches being elephants...
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Momerino's O-momma Day Gift
As promised, Momerino is getting an IOU for a great gift, and I'm proud to announce it for the first time ever on Camels and Elephants:
Longtime Mazfans will know of my affinity for the Wii. It was, after all, the first thing I ever blogged about. What you probably don't know is that it was my wonderful mother who stood in line at the Nintendo World store in NYC last winter to buy me this glorious machine (I still have the voicemail from after she bought it saved). After a few rounds of Wii bowling and boxing she too got Wii-ver (Wii + fever, dummy) and eventually picked one up for herself at her favorite store, Costco.
The next great Wii "game" coming out is Wii Fit, a program with a balance board that teaches you exercises and tracks your progress. So, I've decided, along with my sisters Lanarino and Wallyrino to pre-order my mom a copy for when it comes out later this month--hence the IOU. Happy Mother's day, G!
Publish Post
--Mazerino, Lanarino and Wallyrino
Friday, May 9, 2008
Friday "Things I Like" Mashup: Politics and Maternal Parent Holiday Edition
Just a quickie mashup, likely posted too late for anyone to read it:
As you may well know, this is a very important weekend for mothers everywhere but Momerino in particular. Saturday is her one week anniversary of appearing on Ellen, and of course Sunday is Mother's Day where she'll be receiving an IOU for a very spectacular gift!!! To celebrate my mom, grandma and all the mom's around the world, I give you this week's mashup:
O-momma Day (a.k.a Oba-mother's Day--I couldn't decide)
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Momerino the international celebrity (for 2 seconds)
Last Friday, around 2:30PM, I was working diligently as usual, and I got a text from my mom. She regularly sends anywhere from 3 to 17 texts every day since I taught her how to use T9Word (big mistake), but this one actually caught my attention:
"I saw Ellen Degeneres she gave me popcorn"
Despite her lack of punctuation, I was intrigued so I called her back to find out what the heck she was talking about. It turns out that Ellen DeGeneres was in Chicago this weekend filming her talk show, and she had a segment where she was handing out Garrett's popcorn to people on the street.
Quick aside: For non-Chicagoans, Garrett's is a "gourmet" popcorn shop on Michigan Avenue that garners huge lines of tourists ([side]walk blockers as I call them) looking for mediocre sweet and salty treats. It's not as big a tourist trap as Navy Pier, but there's really nothing special about the popcorn. There are very few places worth standing in a long line for food, and this isn't one of them. I would however recommend Hot Doug's and my favorite authentic local Mexican place, Chipotle, to tourists and Chicagoans alike looking to quell their hunger.
So, I DVR'ed the Tuesday show to see if I could catch a glimpse of the scene in question and, to my great pleasure, I spotted Momerino within seconds (hooray!):
Celebrities besides Momerino on the show included Robin Williams and recently dismissed American Idol contestants Michael Johns and Carly Smithson. And if you think I name-dropped those celebrities to up our Google cachet, you'd be absolutely correct. I did notice that Ellen does a fair amount of dancing, and while she's great at it, she's not in the same league as this guy.
Monday, May 5, 2008
To err is Al Waris, to forgive, Mazerino
"I did not have sexual relations with that couch"Ladies and gentlemen, I am appalled by Al's deception but find his candor in the matter refreshing. A coward would have led you to believe he purchased the RoomPlace Uptown II sofa until you forgot and carried on with your lives. Like Alexander Pope once said, "to err is human, to forgive, divine." It is in that same vein that I accept Al's apology and encourage you to do the same so we can put this whole sordid mess behind us. Let's not forget that while we are all feeling betrayed and bewildered, the real loser in all of this is the RoomPlace at Harlem Furniture.
Sunday, May 4, 2008
Douche of the Week: Campaign Al Edition
Wow, I can’t believe the response we got. Over 200 votes from people who wanted to weigh in on how I decorated my living room. Thanks so much, although I felt a bit like Ed from Ed TV (minus the abs…working on it though).
But I have a confession to make and my heart aches as I make it. Now I know how Bill felt the second time he addressed the nation. After the first round of voting, I was inspired to go out and look at furniture. In my zealousness to right my past wrongs I went a little overboard and purchased a couch. I know, I'm sorry, and that’s why the Douche of the Week title goes to me.
Well why did I let this charade go on? I did not want to upset Mazerino who had so much invested in this so I played him and the rest of you and for that I am sorry.
To compensate,
1) I’m going to get rid of my biggest asset and I promise not to reacquire it for 370 days (that’s one day for every vote that was cast, and one extra day for every vote that was cast for #3). Yes, I am going to get rid of my beard, the beard that got me countless second glances and stares.
2) I relinquish 1% of my 48% stake in C&E and redistribute it among all those who voted.
3) I relinquish my title as VP of the "Poll Fairness and Ethics Committee"
4) I promise never to take off my clothes when I sit on the couch (at least when someone’s in the room)
But there are some positives to this experience
1) Berg and Rach showed that a “get out the vote” campaign really works (More in a forthcoming political post)
2) I bought a couch (Everyone is invited to sit on it and have a glass of red wine if they promise not to spill it)
3) People have learned that a majority does not necessarily translate into a win, especially if the Supreme Court intervenes
Oh… and in case you’re interested I bought #2 in a brown shade. Hopefully it’s worth the burden of letting you down, a burden that I am going to carry with me for the rest of my life.
PS Coming soon...Vote for my bed.
Friday, May 2, 2008
Friday "Things I Like" Mashup: Politics and Southern States From Which Someone Voted During Campaign Al
We've been on an unpublicized quest to get at least one visit from every state in the US. So far, we've had viewers from 25 states and D.C. and, during Campaign Al, we added a much sought after southern state to the mix. In honor of becoming our 25th state, I am proud to announce this week's mashup:
O-la-bama
Unrelated Camels and Elephants news:
--Al has informed me that he will be writing a response to our campaign on Monday. So, look forward to that.
--Fadilicious has promised to make his long awaited, much anticipated return to the blog later today. If not, he's re-fired.
Campaign Al: We have a winner!
Wow, what a contest!
From the beginning, you summarily dismissed couch number 1 as bachelor pad-esque and cheesy, and couch 3 looked to be headed for certain victory over form-over-function couch 2. But, late Thursday evening the left-for-dead couch 2 made a strong surge to pull within 8 votes of the lead (excitement!). Then, presumably led by a Berg-ian "get out the vote" effort which netted us some new readers (welcome and feel free to look around), couch 3 took flight yet again.
Over 220 votes later, and we have a winner. Drumroll please. Al will be enjoying his wine in the buff on his Roomplace Uptown II sofa!!! This is what we think that will look like:
Of course, now he actually has to purchase the couch, but that should be formality given the initiative he's demonstrated in the past. What say you, Al? The people have spoken, and the ball is in your court...
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