Thief? No. A-hole? Kinda.

Saturday night, I was walking to my friend's place, and I decided to take a shortcut down a dimly-lit street. A block ahead of me, I spotted a carefree couple walking in the same direction taking up the entire sidewalk. They were probably returning from some couple activity like the ballet or a swinger party. Since I was wearing my rubber-soled shoes and they were engaged in deep conversation ("Don't get me wrong, I like Obama, but I'm not sure about his stance on NAFTA"), they had no clue I was around. It was cold outside so I was walking faster than normal and they were moving slower than normal so I knew we were on a collision course.

At this point, I had a decision to make--I could try to make some noise to let them know I'm there, or I could put the fear of God into them by swiftly overtaking them. A normal person might have subtly announced his presence by kicking a rock or clearing his throat. Or demonstrated his non-threatening nature by making a phone call (ex. "I'm almost there. Do you want something from Jamba Juice?"). Naturally, I chose the opposite. I walked up behind them undetected and zoomed past on the right.

Girl: "OHMYGOD!"
Guy: "Holy Shit"

Through my muted laughter I heard "That was so scary. He came out of nowhere." Then the two of them started cracking up. The lesson: I'm an a-hole, but I don't want to steal your stuff.

Artist's rendition (I'm the green dot because I was wearing a green fleece):