As you know, Al recently graduated business school. Sadly, his family could not make it from elephant-land to the ceremony, but he promised to send them pictures. So, he donned his cap and gown and received his diploma at convocation. Then, he walked off stage, eager to capture this moment in time for all the world to see. He just forgot one thing...
Opening his eyes. To get your copy of this Leibovitz-esque portrait, click here. I'd suggest the $200 Supreme package.
Monday, June 30, 2008
The greatest picture you'll see all day
Live in the Camel Cage
Hey, I'm back from vacation. I've missed you. I see that Al has done his best to make you think we'd forgotten about you, but we haven't. We'll resume normal posting ASAP. While I'm here, I'd like to present you with a fantastic opportunity to take your Camels and Elephants mania to an even higher level by living in my apartment for a month. Dr. BJ and I have decided to become roommates, and my lease doesn't end until September 30th. So, if you need a place to crash for a month or know someone who does, let me know. Here's the post:
http://chicago.craigslist.org/chc/sub/738070663.html
Monday, June 23, 2008
Near Miss
Sad news today as George Carlin died. He was one of my favorite comedians, and I enjoyed his takes on religion and language, especially this one:
Saturday, June 21, 2008
Of Toads and Camels
My humblest apologies to the Toadies. I have heard Possum Kingdom a million times, so I guess I do know who you are. Here's the video:
Anyway, I stand by my opinion that Wilco should have the pre-headliner spot. Back to vacation.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
The Camel-less Week Ahead
Hey all. I'll be gone starting tomorrow in NYC and DC to discuss the future of C&E with our esteemed editor Tall Paul. I probably won't get a chance to write anything until I get back. But that doesn't mean Camels and Elephants shouldn't be updated in the meantime. So, do something about it and submit a guest column to our email address. Al will make sure it gets posted. Have a good week!
For my viewing pleasure...
On many a sultry night I have been in front of the television, book in hand, trying my best to ignore the moving images blazing across the screen. Sometimes though, the images and the sounds are so compelling, I just can’t avert my eyes. These are the times when my existence seems worthwhile and my investment in a TV and in cable seems to have paid off. Of course I’m talking about infomercials, the masterpieces interspersed between actual shows, more entertaining than CSI, more informative than Lou Dobbs. So in tribute to these works of genius the following are the top 6 infomercials which kept me going in the most trying of times:
1) Ronco’s Knives. Man, if I ever want to cut my shoe there’s no other knife I’d rather have.
Favorite character: The bald guy who constantly chastises Ron for giving away too much for too little
2) Magic bullet: The margaritas look so good I may give up white wine for them
Favorite character: Maybe my favorite character of all time- Smoking lady with glasses and a nightdress
3) Total gym: Ooh, I can feel the burn just looking at babes and dudes who try out the gym, and of course Chuck Norris
Favorite character: Of course Chuck Norris
4) Proactiv solution: How did they get Diddy and Jessica to accept they had crap on their faces? Money makes the world go round, I guess.
Favorite character: Jessica wins by a zit
5) Video professor: The line about, “even my 2 year old daughter can use the computer better than me”. I mean really, how dumb are you and if you are so dumb how can you be the mother of a prodigy?
Favorite character: Bald guy who must surely be raking it in
6) Super absorbent dish rag: That guy conveys more information in 30 seconds than Microsoft Help in 30 days. And 4 rolls for 9.95. I’m sold
*Could not find a link, cause I don't remember what the product is called. Help!
Favorite character: the guy who does all the absorbing
That's my list, what's yours?
Honorable mention: To the bearded guy who used to do Oxy-clean and now does the things you hang stuff on. You may not have made it to my list, but in my heart you’ll always be number one.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Lollapa-issed Off
I've been attending the Chicago re-incarnation of Lollapalooza ever since it re-emerged in 2005, and so far have not been disappointed. They continue to get great acts every year, and thanks to an email I sent in 2005 complaining about the low stages, I've been on the email list to get 60 dollar tickets every year since. And they seem to have raised the stages. So, I'm using my considerable pull to plead with the good people at C3 Presents to please do something about the lineup conflicts.
Day 1 (click here to see full schedule)
The early part of the day is relatively conflict free. I'll probably check out Rogue Wave, then Go! Team and head over to see Jeff Tweedy at the kids stage on my way to Louis XIV. At the 6 o'clock hour, they really f'ed with my day though:
I want to see The Raconteurs, Cool Kids, CSS, Malkmus and Bloc Party, and will at best see part of 2 before I make my way to Radiohead. Brutal. Since I've seen Raconteurs and Malkmus before, I am thinking about going from Bloc Party to the end of the CSS set. But please, Lolla schedule maker, use your right to change the lineup to (see bottom of the picture) move at least one of these awesome bands to an earlier timeslot.
Day 2 (click here to see full schedule)
My early day 2 picks are Gutter Twins, Explosions in the Sky and Okkervil River, and I've heard good things about MGMT. Things start to get dicey with Battles, Lupe Fiasco and Broken Social Scene all lumped together at 6:30PM:
Apologies to Sharon Jones and the Toadies, but I've never heard of you and you therefore do not deserve a pre-headliner timeslot. (Editor's note: According to Tall Paul, I'm an idiot for not knowing the Toadies.) If I were the Lollapalooza organizer, I'd move Wilco into this slot, thus freeing me from choosing between them and Rage. As it stands, I will be checking out Battles and Rage since those are the two acts I haven't seen before.
Day 3 (click here to see full schedule)
My early day picks are Kid Sister, Iron & Wine and Blues Travel (just kidding). 6:30PM must be "mess with Mazerino" time at C3 because we have yet another conflict. This time, I've seen both acts--Girl Talk and Gnarls Barkley. But both are very good live, and I'm giving the nod to Girl Talk because the smooth stylings of Greg Gillis at his laptop can compel even me to dance like its my job. The biggest schedule conflict of the whole weekend for me occurs at 8:15 with co-headliners Kanye West and Nine Inch Nails facing off in a battle for my attention.
I've been looking forward to seeing NIN for a long time now, and I've read good things about Kanye's latest set. So, this is a conundrum. Since I've seen Kanye at Lolla two years ago, I'm going to have to check out NIN, but I beg of you, creator of the schedule, please move one of these acts!!
Final Note
I've been really digging Santogold (digging her so much that I'm linking to Myspace, a clunky social networking site that is no longer relevant), and she was in the original lineup. But, unless my eyes deceive me, she is nowhere to be seen in the current schedule. Where the heck has she gone? Please bring her back.
As always, feel free to leave your comments about what other bands I should check out, and if you feel compelled, you can email info at c3presents.com to complain about the schedule. Tell them Mazerino sent you.
Friday, June 13, 2008
Friday "Things Maz Likes" Mashup: Politics and Wearing a Funny Cap Edition
Al's note: I'm pinch-hitting* for the Maz as he takes a well deserved break from mashing up Barry with things he likes.
Readers may be familiar with my whining about school and how hard it was. Those of you who checked in on us yesterday also know that chapter is now over, and so I will have to find something new to whine about. I walk on Sunday (can't wait to throw on the gown), and although Barry will not be around to hand me my diploma I'm sure that he will be there in spirit (That's demanded of former U of C professors).
So this mashup celebrates things the Maz Likes and a thing that I will receive. To quote another MBA I can now "spend the rest of my days wondering what the hell am I doing with that degree." Click through to see the picture and mashup.
ObaMBA
* As I have already established, I love using Americanisms in my posts
Thursday, June 12, 2008
एक और कहानी खत्म ... (Another story reaches its end)
I have joined his tribe. May I make my parents as proud as he did.
PS: Contingent on me not failing the courses for which I just submitted my paper.
Meals of Mazerino: Daily Breakfast Edition
Every time I talk to Momerino she asks me what I ate. So, I've decided to start blogging my noteworthy meals if for no other reason than to cut 30 seconds out of my daily calls home (just kidding, mom).
Every morning, I eat breakfast at my cubicle so as to maximize my sleep time before work. I started out my professional career eating Cheerios and Nature Valley Sweet and Salty Nut Bars before migrating to Kashi Heart to Heart and Cinnamon Harvest. Late last year, I began to eat oatmeal religiously, but I recently got sick of that and moved on to this complete breakfast:
Pepperidge Farm Cheddar Goldfish Crackers and water. Mmmm, balanced breakfast and great way to kick off the day. And yes, that is a picture of myself in the background.
What do you eat for breakfast? Discuss in the comments.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Connection Found
I'm a big fan of the Craigslist Missed Connections. I have it in my RSS feed because occasionally I find a gem that I have to share. So, yesterday, I was intrigued when I saw this posting. For those too lazy to click, here's the text:
Subject: you won't type '4' for "for"... - w4m - 31 (lakeshore)
Body:
... and i love you for it. Baby.
Longtime readers (and month-long readers) will recognize that I never type '4' for "for" while texting or emailing as per rule number 3 from my Melting Ice post, replacing real words with numbers or single letters "makes you sound like a 12 year old girl." And I happen to live on Lake Shore Drive (Mazerino stalkers take note). So, clearly this message was intended for me.
31 year old female from parts slightly unknown, its time to step out of the shadows and claim your prize:
I'll be waiting patiently by my inbox.
Lack of updates update
Sorry for the lack of posts lately, but we have excuses:
- The weather's finally nice in Chicago and we can go outside to play
- Nothing has pissed Mazerino off lately
- Al is busy finishing up school
- Obama has won the Democratic nomination
- Fadilicious is in charge of this week's content
- We are busy working on our secondary jobs
Friday, June 6, 2008
Friday "Things I Like" Mashup: Politics and Self Edition
This week's mashup celebrates two monumental victories each more important than the next. Obama has captured the hearts of Americans and secured the Democratic Presidential nomination, and I, Mazerino, have beaten Grand Theft Auto 4 (the story portion anyway) to reclaim my social life. Both campaigns were hard-fought and went through rough patches--Reverend Jeremiah Wright for Obama and my messy breakup with Michelle about which I am still too distraught to write. But, in the end our victories were inevitable. So, here's to us (click through to see the mashup and picture):
Obamazerino
This is not in any way an altered photograph. Barack really is that tall and I was definitely not pointing at Alcatraz on a recent trip to San Francisco.
And I'd like to officially throw my hat into the ring for the VP position. I'm waiting patiently by the phone, Barry. Give me a call.
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
My name is Al*
If anyone is keeping score I have made exactly one post since the hanging couch debacle of March 2008. Since then I have been inundated with a deluge of issues and problems in school, at work, and in life in general. I am putting this down to bad karma and the negative energy you guys have been sending my way.
Guys…stop hating. Life is too long to hold a grudge.
I need the love to tide me through the last 8 days of school Yaaaaaaa. So here’s to me receiving a barrage of positive energy.
Stay tuned for details on a graduation party ( no commitments, especially knowing how touchy you guys are) if I make it through the next 8 days.
*Shamelessly lifted from “My name is Earl” ( I love it when I can use American pop culture to embellish my posts)
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Controversial Statement Tuesday: Only In Town For A Couple Days Edition
Tourists suck.
Reason 1: They slow down my commute
I take public transportation to work because I'm a great person. It's an economical and eco-friendly way to get where I'm going, and it's usually pretty speedy as well. Except when a tourist intervenes. Nearly every week on my daily commute down Michigan Avenue, some lost tourist stops the bus, steps onto the first step, thus blocking people who know where they are going from entering, and asks "Is this the bus I take to get to Navy Pier?" No, dimwit. And then they stand there for another minute getting directions from the driver, while I watch the stoplight turn from green to yellow to fucked. Let me spare you the trouble, misguided tourist. Navy Pier sucks. Its sole purpose is to take your hard-earned dollars in exchange for a mediocre time. If you really want to get there, take a cab. Or walk. Something you don't get to do in Ruralia.
Reason 2: They block the sidewalk
Nothing pisses me off more than people who are unaware of their surroundings. On a nice summer day, I like to walk home from work. All too often, I'm trekking down Michigan Ave at a normal to brisk pace when I come upon a family of five walking at a slow to glacial pace five across down the sidewalk. If I say excuse me, I get a blank stare then thirty seconds of comprehension and then movement. This is far from the tourist's most egregious offense though. In fact, Michigan Avenue is a touristy area, so they should be allowed to occupy space at a gingerly pace. What bothers me most is when they douchily decide to take a picture that spans the width of the sidewalk blocking people from getting where they are going. The side of my head must be featured in at least 30 such pictures.
Reason 3: They have terrible taste in food
If you're going to come to my city and irritate the hell out of me, at least make it worth it. Go to the Hancock building and have drinks at the Signature Room. Check out the Lincoln Park Zoo or the Bean in Millennium Park. But most of all try our food. We're known for everything from junk food (pizza, gum and hot dogs) to fine dining (Trotter, Tramonto, Bayless) and I can think of dozens of restaurants in dozens of neighborhoods downtown and around that I'd like to try. So, it pisses me off to walk by a suburbanite ass to suburbanite elbow TGI Friday's mere steps away from Coco Pazzo. Talk to your concierge. Get a reservation at a real restaurant. I would venture to guess that there's a TGI Friday's, Ruby Tuesday's and Nothing To Do Saturday's within 20 minutes of your home.
Edited to add: Please leave comments about why you don't like tourists to visit your fair city in the comment section.
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