For my viewing pleasure...

On many a sultry night I have been in front of the television, book in hand, trying my best to ignore the moving images blazing across the screen. Sometimes though, the images and the sounds are so compelling, I just can’t avert my eyes. These are the times when my existence seems worthwhile and my investment in a TV and in cable seems to have paid off. Of course I’m talking about infomercials, the masterpieces interspersed between actual shows, more entertaining than CSI, more informative than Lou Dobbs. So in tribute to these works of genius the following are the top 6 infomercials which kept me going in the most trying of times:

1) Ronco’s Knives. Man, if I ever want to cut my shoe there’s no other knife I’d rather have.

Favorite character: The bald guy who constantly chastises Ron for giving away too much for too little

2) Magic bullet: The margaritas look so good I may give up white wine for them

Favorite character: Maybe my favorite character of all time- Smoking lady with glasses and a nightdress

3) Total gym: Ooh, I can feel the burn just looking at babes and dudes who try out the gym, and of course Chuck Norris

Favorite character: Of course Chuck Norris

4) Proactiv solution: How did they get Diddy and Jessica to accept they had crap on their faces? Money makes the world go round, I guess.

Favorite character: Jessica wins by a zit

5) Video professor: The line about, “even my 2 year old daughter can use the computer better than me”. I mean really, how dumb are you and if you are so dumb how can you be the mother of a prodigy?

Favorite character: Bald guy who must surely be raking it in

6) Super absorbent dish rag: That guy conveys more information in 30 seconds than Microsoft Help in 30 days. And 4 rolls for 9.95. I’m sold
*Could not find a link, cause I don't remember what the product is called. Help!
Favorite character: the guy who does all the absorbing

That's my list, what's yours?

Honorable mention: To the bearded guy who used to do Oxy-clean and now does the things you hang stuff on. You may not have made it to my list, but in my heart you’ll always be number one.