Guest Column: Plain Jane's Business School Myths Edition

Editor's note: We invite our readers to write their own columns about whatever they please, because, frankly, we're too lazy to write our own stuff (and Fadilicious is MIA). This week's entry comes from Plain Jane. She is a former co-worker of the camels and elephant who abandoned them for seemingly greener pastures at business school. Here is her plight:

Hello dear C&E readers,

As a dedicated reader of C&E, I'm honored to have the opportunity to contribute a guest column for your enjoyment. I am currently attending a fine institution known as the [redacted fancy schmancy school] and wanted to share a few words about the fact that business school just isn't all it's cracked up to be. Hope you enjoy the column as I dispel 4 common business school myths.

Myth #1: The hardest part of business school is getting in.

This is the biggest myth of all of them! Business school is hard!! And I'm not just saying that because I'm of below average intelligence (according to the GMAT, I'm actually supposed to be smarter, on average, than most of my classmates). It was with complete shock and despair that I realized that I actually had to work really hard to understand what's going on. I really wanted to raise my hand on my first day in Finance to ask if I was still at [elite institution which shall not be named] as my head was spinning to try to understand the concept of capital budgeting. And things haven't gotten easier now that I'm in my third quarter. I cry (literally) every Thursday afternoon and early evening as I desperately try to make sense of the Operations cases that are due on Friday mornings. So, remember this, dear bloggers, business school is actually academically quite rigorous! Who knew!?!?

Myth #2: Business will help you find the career of your dreams.

If you think that just having an MBA from a top school will have companies fighting to hire you, YOU ARE WRONG! Most of us left our jobs in to figure out what it is that we REALLY want to do. But there no time for soul searching because you are bombarded with company presentations during week 3 of class! So you'd better know what you want to do by then because schmoozing and kissing ass time is precious and essential to getting those coveted closed list spots on interview schedules. I didn't quite get that and was only invited to interview with 1 firm out of the 22 that I applied to...ouch!!! Luckily, I was able to sign up for the open schedule and did land the "internship of my dreams" (I think), marketing [guns at Toys 'R Us, just kidding--redacted]. Others weren't so luckily, I have fellow friends moving to fabulous places such as St Louis, Minneapolis, Columbus, Cincinnati, and my favorite, Battlecreek, MI for their summer internships.

Myth #3: Business school will help you develop a network of incredibly motivated and intelligent people.

Yes, there are some very smart people in business school. But there a surprisingly large amount of annoying dumb people too! I roll my eyes in class at the comments of my classmate's on a regular basis. I seriously doubt the intelligence of my group members weekly. One group member suggested that to market TiVo's effectively to families that like to watch TV together, they should come preloaded with all past Super Bowl games. What?!?!?! A lot of them just really enjoy the sound of their voice and forget that class is not a private tutoring session with the professor [the irony is not lost on your C&E editor]. When discussing a regression analysis that just happened to be about refrigerators, a student actually raised her hand and started the question with "So, let's say I have a refrigerator..."

Myth #4: Business school will be the best 2 years of your life.

I used to strongly believe this myth and was pumped to begin the "best two years of my life" last August. Now, I firmly believe that it's the best two years for the losers who haven't done anything interesting during the 28 years (on average) before they came to business school. Business school is an amazing opportunity for people to re-live their undergraduate experience. The quiet fat girl has another opportunity to drunkenly hook up with as many guys as she possibly can, seeking love and affection in the wrong places. The dorky skinny guy can finally feel like a frat guy while playing flip cup at the bar with his dorky skinny friends. For those of us who actually had a fun four (or more) years at a decent (ie big ten) university, business school can't even come close!

Conclusion

I may have come out sounding a bit harsh and bitter in this column. Don't get me wrong, I'm having a great time! I roll into school at 10:30 (not unlike some people still working at [my previous awesome company where the camels and elephants reside]), and Tuesday has become my favorite going out night. I have met some awesome people and have probably made a lifelong friend or two. I am learning a lot and have finally conquered my nemesis - finance! I wept tears of joy as the light bulb finally went on, and I accurately calculated a firm's free cash flows. But I wanted to be honest with you, dear readers, business school just isn't all it's cracked up to be. I can sum it up pretty accurately with the following words of wisdom used by my high school principal to describe his experience with our class at graduation: it's been real; it's been fun; but it hasn't been real fun.

Thanks for reading!

--Plain Jane