Melting Ice

Last week, I received an errant text from a 567 area code number (Northwest Ohio). I know it wasn't meant for me because, while my phone number is from the same area (419 represent!), the only NW Ohio texts I get are from Momerino 3 to 17 times a day. This particular message was perplexing for a couple reasons. Here it is in its unedited glory:

"I dont care if come i was just wondering y u would ~Ice"

1. How do you mistext someone? I refuse to believe anyone who refers to himself as Ice is pulling digits, but if he met an unsuspecting lady at a bar and she gave him a fake number, surely this wouldn't be his first attempt at courtship. So, assuming he's having a text-versation with someone, and this is a follow-up to a previous message, then that means Ice is typing in his friend's number every time he sends him/her a text. Which makes him a moron for not knowing how to program his phone.

2. The message makes no grammatical sense. Ice's grasp of the English language is severely lacking. I plugged "come" into T9word and alternate words include "bone," "bond," "Anne" and "bonfire." So, I can only surmise that he meant "I don't care if you come i was just wondering y u would."

3. Ice's time- and keystroke-saving strategies are flawed at best. While it is commonplace to replace words like "why" and "you" with "y" and "u," it makes you sound like a 12 year old girl. Furthermore, if Ice really wanted to save himself some time, he could have eliminated "just" and his stupid signoff, "~Ice." If you're sending a message to someone, they know who you are, and finding a tilde (~) on T9 is time-consuming. I had to hit "1" and scroll 26 times to find it on my phone.

Lessons to be learned from this: Don't send text messages unless you choose the correct contact, proofread, and use big kid words.

Ice, if u somehow stumble upon this and were inviting me to a bonfire i apologize.. I an flattered but i dont want 2 in wit u. ~Maz