I know most of the news is about the economy and the elections and all the other boring stuff. In the midst of this a very important development is taking place, one that may have repercussions for generations to come.
Breast milk is having a resurgence.
The Chinese tainted milk formula is giving rise to a growing industry of wet nurses. Chinese parents are frantically searching for these nurses to feed their little angels.
Closer home PETA is urging Ben & Jerry's to use human milk. (I have two words for PETA. Eww and Eww.)
Isn’t it the best time to be a lactating woman?
*Hope you didn't miss the pun in the title. Thanks Mazerino
Showing posts with label Al Waris. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Al Waris. Show all posts
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Keeping abreast of the latest news
Friday, September 12, 2008
Danger Wedding
Not that anyone reads this anymore, and who can blame you. We've been asleep at the wheel:
But, last weekend, we were all in Milwaukee to witness the special union of Danger and his lovely bride:
It was a fun event where we sang, danced, ate Indian food, gave it about 5 minutes as per Al's instructions and danced some more. And of course, we did it all in style. My words can't possibly top the 2nd video, so I'll shut up now:
Mazerino
Al Waris
Fadilicious
Night's end
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Gold.... 112 years later
Indians love gold. We are the world’s largest buyers of gold. However, the Olympic gold has always eluded us especially since it can’t be bought. For a country of a billion plus people, it has been kind of shameful. As of 48 hours ago Michael Phelps had won 8 more individual golds than India ever had. We won the occasional bronze, the rare silver. For the last quarter of a century we had not even won any team golds.
All that changed on Sunday when Abhinav Bindra finally won one for shooting. One gold - still pathetic for a country of a billion plus people but a start nevertheless.
As a counter point, you may think that a poor country like India does not spend enough on sport to make a dent on the world stage. But the amount of money and time and tears spent on cricket dwarfs what most other countries spend on all their sports combined. So that excuse does not hold any water.
Hopefully this win changes the sports structure in India.
Congrats Abhinav!
Saturday, August 9, 2008
Al Waris has failed us all
I'm calling him out for not writing anything in weeks. You suck, Al. I can barely type but at least I post every once in a while. What's your excuse?
Monday, July 7, 2008
VirAl Waris
Wow, the greatest photo you'll ever see is sure making its rounds these days. It's already shown up here and here. In my bid to make Al the next Internet meme, I neglected to take into account his fragile emotional status.
Email from Al:
"2.5 years of sweat and toil and this is what people will remember me by."
That breaks my heart. So, to make amends, I've cracked open the official Camels and Elephants petty cash lock box and taken out an ad at my local gas station. Sorry, Al. I won't post embarrassing pictures of you again:
Except maybe this one:
Edited to add: Without Al's hard work, we wouldn't be the #5 result for a Google search of "super absorbent rags infomercial." Here's to Al.
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Hanging loose
I was traveling by the brown line a couple of weeks ago and I overheard people saying the train was crowded. I immediately flashed back to my travel adventures in Mumbai. And I felt like screaming, “Stop complaining you pampered babies!”
It also brought back memories of the multiple times my life has flashed before my eyes on the trains in Mumbai. I traveled by local trains for about 6 years growing up in Mumbai and every day was an adventure. If you wanted a crowded train, the first class compartment in the 8:30 AM express train from Andheri to Churchgate would be the one for you. If you wanted hell or were short on cash, you would venture into the second class (click through for the rest).
I was one of those hangers-on, and on most days I would find a good spot to latch onto. Now why would I risk life and limb and my future gene pool to hang from a train? Well, the temperature inside is close to 120 degrees and the smells of sweat, cologne, oil, food, fish, etc. could be what hell smells and feels like. Bodies squishing against you and people's hands (inadvertently I hope) in your business were par for the course.
So I would hang. On the bad days I would literally be holding on by the tips of my fingers. On one such occasion I was sure I would fall. I prayed as hard as I have ever done in my life, and I’m sure I would wake Him up if he was sleeping. I swore to myself that I would never stand outside the train again. I promised Him my first born kid, then my first paycheck, my second paycheck, anything. By the time the next stop arrived I was up to my 16th paycheck. My weak forearms hurt like hell. But thankfully for me and fortunately for the readers I made it alive.
Come evening, I weighed my choices. I had hell if lost my life given all the promises I had made or hell if I entered the train. I promptly forgot my promises and was hanging outside on my way back at 5:30 PM from Churchgate to Borivali.
Monday, June 30, 2008
The greatest picture you'll see all day
As you know, Al recently graduated business school. Sadly, his family could not make it from elephant-land to the ceremony, but he promised to send them pictures. So, he donned his cap and gown and received his diploma at convocation. Then, he walked off stage, eager to capture this moment in time for all the world to see. He just forgot one thing...
Opening his eyes. To get your copy of this Leibovitz-esque portrait, click here. I'd suggest the $200 Supreme package.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
For my viewing pleasure...
On many a sultry night I have been in front of the television, book in hand, trying my best to ignore the moving images blazing across the screen. Sometimes though, the images and the sounds are so compelling, I just can’t avert my eyes. These are the times when my existence seems worthwhile and my investment in a TV and in cable seems to have paid off. Of course I’m talking about infomercials, the masterpieces interspersed between actual shows, more entertaining than CSI, more informative than Lou Dobbs. So in tribute to these works of genius the following are the top 6 infomercials which kept me going in the most trying of times:
1) Ronco’s Knives. Man, if I ever want to cut my shoe there’s no other knife I’d rather have.
Favorite character: The bald guy who constantly chastises Ron for giving away too much for too little
2) Magic bullet: The margaritas look so good I may give up white wine for them
Favorite character: Maybe my favorite character of all time- Smoking lady with glasses and a nightdress
3) Total gym: Ooh, I can feel the burn just looking at babes and dudes who try out the gym, and of course Chuck Norris
Favorite character: Of course Chuck Norris
4) Proactiv solution: How did they get Diddy and Jessica to accept they had crap on their faces? Money makes the world go round, I guess.
Favorite character: Jessica wins by a zit
5) Video professor: The line about, “even my 2 year old daughter can use the computer better than me”. I mean really, how dumb are you and if you are so dumb how can you be the mother of a prodigy?
Favorite character: Bald guy who must surely be raking it in
6) Super absorbent dish rag: That guy conveys more information in 30 seconds than Microsoft Help in 30 days. And 4 rolls for 9.95. I’m sold
*Could not find a link, cause I don't remember what the product is called. Help!
Favorite character: the guy who does all the absorbing
That's my list, what's yours?
Honorable mention: To the bearded guy who used to do Oxy-clean and now does the things you hang stuff on. You may not have made it to my list, but in my heart you’ll always be number one.
Friday, June 13, 2008
Friday "Things Maz Likes" Mashup: Politics and Wearing a Funny Cap Edition
Al's note: I'm pinch-hitting* for the Maz as he takes a well deserved break from mashing up Barry with things he likes.
Readers may be familiar with my whining about school and how hard it was. Those of you who checked in on us yesterday also know that chapter is now over, and so I will have to find something new to whine about. I walk on Sunday (can't wait to throw on the gown), and although Barry will not be around to hand me my diploma I'm sure that he will be there in spirit (That's demanded of former U of C professors).
So this mashup celebrates things the Maz Likes and a thing that I will receive. To quote another MBA I can now "spend the rest of my days wondering what the hell am I doing with that degree." Click through to see the picture and mashup.
ObaMBA
* As I have already established, I love using Americanisms in my posts
Thursday, June 12, 2008
एक और कहानी खत्म ... (Another story reaches its end)
I have joined his tribe. May I make my parents as proud as he did.
PS: Contingent on me not failing the courses for which I just submitted my paper.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Lack of updates update
Sorry for the lack of posts lately, but we have excuses:
- The weather's finally nice in Chicago and we can go outside to play
- Nothing has pissed Mazerino off lately
- Al is busy finishing up school
- Obama has won the Democratic nomination
- Fadilicious is in charge of this week's content
- We are busy working on our secondary jobs
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
My name is Al*
If anyone is keeping score I have made exactly one post since the hanging couch debacle of March 2008. Since then I have been inundated with a deluge of issues and problems in school, at work, and in life in general. I am putting this down to bad karma and the negative energy you guys have been sending my way.
Guys…stop hating. Life is too long to hold a grudge.
I need the love to tide me through the last 8 days of school Yaaaaaaa. So here’s to me receiving a barrage of positive energy.
Stay tuned for details on a graduation party ( no commitments, especially knowing how touchy you guys are) if I make it through the next 8 days.
*Shamelessly lifted from “My name is Earl” ( I love it when I can use American pop culture to embellish my posts)
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
It's not us, it's you, Fadilicious.
Editor's note: This was written before Fadilicious hastily posted his first piece in nearly three months after being tipped off to his impending termination by an Alnonymous informant. I have decided to publish it anyway since I thought you would enjoy it.
It's been nearly 2 months since Fadilicious' last post and he has officially squandered the outpouring of goodwill from those who voiced support to keep him. Al and I have encouraged him several times behind the scenes to post and he just hasn't made an effort. Because of his lack of motivation and recent budget cuts due to our financial situation, I am sad to announce that Fadilicious has been demoted to "guest blogger who will probably still never write anything." Yes, our ad revenue hasn't been pouring in like we'd hoped and we can no longer afford his fake health insurance. Luckily he has his second job to fall back on, and we look forward to seeing him around the office.
Crap, I got the year wrong, but it feels like over a year since he posted...
I know that you're saying to yourselves, "But Mazerino, it's called Camels and Elephants. It doesn't work with only one of each." You are absolutely correct, and in light of this problem and our dwindling readership (you're a fickle bunch), we've decided to re-brand. We will now be known as "Camel Sand Elephant S." Sure it doesn't sound as great, but we'll be able to keep our URL intact. That's something, right? Check out this leaked mockup of our new logo:
On an unrelated note, we are currently hiring bloggers whose names start with S. Those named Sandy will likely get preferential treatment.
Calling All Cows*
Ladies, now is your chance to get up close and personal with the Camels and Elephants. We need females for our co-ed recreational volleyball team. So, if you're available to play at North Avenue Beach in Chicago on Thursday nights, leave a message in the comments or send an email to camelsandelephants [at] gmail [dot] com.
*Remember that female camels and elephants are called cows.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Controversial Statement Tuesday: Gas Edition
I love higher gas prices
I’m sick of the daily weeping in the news and all around me over rising gas prices. Now I don’t own a car and I hate driving but I can’t seem to shed a tear for those who weep about gas prices. Here are my reasons.
1) If I’m ever in a car or cab going down any highway the number of people driving alone in a car which should fit at least 5 is sinful if you believe in God and immoral if you don’t. If all those lone rangers would just car pool and make some friends in the process this place would be so much better.
2) When gas prices go up people drive less, the freeway is emptier, and I get to where I want go faster. Hurray.
3) People will drive less = Cleaner air. Hurray.
4) People will drive less = Less oil money being spent in countries which don’t like the US. Hurray.
5) Gas prices go up = People will start to find alternatives. Now some may be bad (ethanol etc.) but I’m sure in time we may find something sustainable (biking, not traveling, cars running on air)
I can go on but I shall stop and refill my tank.
Monday, May 5, 2008
To err is Al Waris, to forgive, Mazerino
"I did not have sexual relations with that couch"Ladies and gentlemen, I am appalled by Al's deception but find his candor in the matter refreshing. A coward would have led you to believe he purchased the RoomPlace Uptown II sofa until you forgot and carried on with your lives. Like Alexander Pope once said, "to err is human, to forgive, divine." It is in that same vein that I accept Al's apology and encourage you to do the same so we can put this whole sordid mess behind us. Let's not forget that while we are all feeling betrayed and bewildered, the real loser in all of this is the RoomPlace at Harlem Furniture.
Sunday, May 4, 2008
Douche of the Week: Campaign Al Edition
Wow, I can’t believe the response we got. Over 200 votes from people who wanted to weigh in on how I decorated my living room. Thanks so much, although I felt a bit like Ed from Ed TV (minus the abs…working on it though).
But I have a confession to make and my heart aches as I make it. Now I know how Bill felt the second time he addressed the nation. After the first round of voting, I was inspired to go out and look at furniture. In my zealousness to right my past wrongs I went a little overboard and purchased a couch. I know, I'm sorry, and that’s why the Douche of the Week title goes to me.
Well why did I let this charade go on? I did not want to upset Mazerino who had so much invested in this so I played him and the rest of you and for that I am sorry.
To compensate,
1) I’m going to get rid of my biggest asset and I promise not to reacquire it for 370 days (that’s one day for every vote that was cast, and one extra day for every vote that was cast for #3). Yes, I am going to get rid of my beard, the beard that got me countless second glances and stares.
2) I relinquish 1% of my 48% stake in C&E and redistribute it among all those who voted.
3) I relinquish my title as VP of the "Poll Fairness and Ethics Committee"
4) I promise never to take off my clothes when I sit on the couch (at least when someone’s in the room)
But there are some positives to this experience
1) Berg and Rach showed that a “get out the vote” campaign really works (More in a forthcoming political post)
2) I bought a couch (Everyone is invited to sit on it and have a glass of red wine if they promise not to spill it)
3) People have learned that a majority does not necessarily translate into a win, especially if the Supreme Court intervenes
Oh… and in case you’re interested I bought #2 in a brown shade. Hopefully it’s worth the burden of letting you down, a burden that I am going to carry with me for the rest of my life.
PS Coming soon...Vote for my bed.
Friday, May 2, 2008
Friday "Things I Like" Mashup: Politics and Southern States From Which Someone Voted During Campaign Al
We've been on an unpublicized quest to get at least one visit from every state in the US. So far, we've had viewers from 25 states and D.C. and, during Campaign Al, we added a much sought after southern state to the mix. In honor of becoming our 25th state, I am proud to announce this week's mashup:
O-la-bama
Unrelated Camels and Elephants news:
--Al has informed me that he will be writing a response to our campaign on Monday. So, look forward to that.
--Fadilicious has promised to make his long awaited, much anticipated return to the blog later today. If not, he's re-fired.
Campaign Al: We have a winner!
Wow, what a contest!
From the beginning, you summarily dismissed couch number 1 as bachelor pad-esque and cheesy, and couch 3 looked to be headed for certain victory over form-over-function couch 2. But, late Thursday evening the left-for-dead couch 2 made a strong surge to pull within 8 votes of the lead (excitement!). Then, presumably led by a Berg-ian "get out the vote" effort which netted us some new readers (welcome and feel free to look around), couch 3 took flight yet again.
Over 220 votes later, and we have a winner. Drumroll please. Al will be enjoying his wine in the buff on his Roomplace Uptown II sofa!!! This is what we think that will look like:
Of course, now he actually has to purchase the couch, but that should be formality given the initiative he's demonstrated in the past. What say you, Al? The people have spoken, and the ball is in your court...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
