Greetings everyone. I trust you've submitted your taxes. Welcome to the 47th relaunch of Camels and Elephants. I haven't posted in a long time, because I was applying to business school, a place that's stirred up some emotions here in the past. Then I discovered Twitter (check me out here). I can't promise to return to the posting volume of yesteryear, but I do promise to link to new C&E posts from my twitter. So, please follow me there or continue to check back once a month. Today, I'd like to share with you an essay I wrote for the esteemed Kellogg School of Management. Kellogg is the business school at Northwestern University (my undergrad alma mater). You'll be happy to know that as a proud reader of C&E, you are featured prominently in this particular essay:
Essay Topic: What do others admire about you?
My reponse:
People admire my sense of humor and ability to make fun of myself. Whether serving on the volleyball court or rocking out at “Guitar Hero,” I have an innate inability to perform gracefully and an acute ability to point out my shortcomings. I can trace my sense of humor back to my roots as a scrawny teenager getting bullied in high school. With my ramen noodle soup soaked face pressed against the hard plastic of an industrial-sized trash can and a suddenly broken arm, I decided I might be better served fending off my detractors with jokes rather than fists.
Since then, I have started a moderately successful blog to entertain my co-workers and friends. I write about such interestingly mundane topics as playing volleyball and “Guitar Hero.” Our audience now spans over thirty people in nearly eleven states, and due to a lack of posts during application season, it’s constantly shrinking. Laughter is universally cheerful, and if I have to be the butt of a joke to spread it, I certainly will.
Application decision: Rejected
Thanks for nothing, people.*
*All kidding aside. I am off to Michigan in the fall, and I couldn't be happier (Go Blue!). If anyone from the Northwestern Alumni Association happens upon this, sit tight. My annual fund donation check is in the mail. I trust you know where to put those 72 cents.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
How not to get into business school
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Super Bowl, Epic Fail Party
What would happen if you threw a Super Bowl party and none of your friends showed up? In theory, it might look a bit like this:
What did you do for the big game? In particular, I'd like to hear from Wallyrino, Fadilicious, Al Waris, Rachu, Sister of Dr. BJ and Roommate of Sister of Dr. BJ.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Sorry, America
Next week, I'm going to India with Al, Berg and Fadge (formerly Fadilicious) to explore the country and attend a couple weddings. While I'm looking forward to the trip and the certainty of prolonged intestinal ailments, I can't help but feel a bit melancholy about the whole thing. I'm turning my back on America when she needs me most. I'm leaving on Thanksgiving day, the highest of holidays in the United States, and exchanging turkey, stuffing, and cranberries for murg, aloo, and chutney.
As if leaving on her special day weren't egregious enough, I'll be spending loads of cash in India at a time when America needs it most. If the oxygen mask deploys on an airplane, you're supposed to take care of yourself, then move onto your child. By spending my money in India, I'm helping America's baby brother, while America suffocates. You can see my quandary.
So, what can I do to make it up to America? Should I make another photo-blog of India extolling America's superiority? Refuse to buy souvenirs until I get back to Chicago (sorry day, you're not getting that Tendulkar jersey you always wanted)? Let's make this blog interactive again. Leave me comments letting me know how to right my wrong.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Roommate livin'
Hello again. How about that election? I can't promise more frequent posting. It's a busy time in the life of Mazerino, but today I'd like to talk about having a roommate for the first time in 5 years.
I moved into a new apartment with my roommate, Dr. BJ, in September. It's the first time I've had a roommate since college, but so far, its been great. The best part about moving in with someone else who lived alone is combining the abundance of stuff each of you has collected. I have a big TV, BJ has good speakers, and, voila, now we have an entertainment system. We have video game systems out the ass, plenty of controllers and more glassware than Martha Stewart. The fridge, at a minimum, is stocked with beer and there are always cereal and chips in the pantry. We also have enough hot dogs and chicken sausages to last us through the recession. And, a roommate is around to encourage you past your doubtful moments when considering an impulse buy. 5-9 business days later with Free Super Saver Shipping, we have a dartboard and "In the Aeroplane Over the Sea" by Neutral Milk Hotel on vinyl.
There are, however, some drawbacks. "Gossip Girl" no longer makes the DVR cut in the hyper competitive Monday 8EST/7CST, yielding to the more post-pubescent "How I Met Your Mother" and "Chuck." Saturdays and Sundays are unbearable for Dr. "What else is on tv besides football" BJ. The hair everywhere is no longer just mine. In my particular situation, we're rarely at home at the same time lately, thanks to BJ's weird call schedule at med school. So, I've been reduced to playing darts by and against myself. When you play darts with yourself, you always win, but you're also a loser. I guess what I'm trying to say is, does anyone want to come over and play darts? We've got tons of other cool shit too.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Friday, October 17, 2008
Friday "Thinks I Like" Mashup: Politics and Things I Wouldn't Put in My Mouth Edition*
Hello, I'm back for the long-awaited return of the Friday Mashup. With only 18 days to go before the election, it's time to fire this column up again. So, without further ado:
Lanarino was so kind to send me this picture from what I can only assume is her apartment (I've not visited her once in Columbus in 3 years). It contains a vile homegrown veggie and the man who will be president. Click through to see the picture.
Barackle Sprouts
*Note: While I admire his politics and character, I would not put Barack Obama in my mouth either.
Friday, September 12, 2008
Danger Wedding
Not that anyone reads this anymore, and who can blame you. We've been asleep at the wheel:
But, last weekend, we were all in Milwaukee to witness the special union of Danger and his lovely bride:
It was a fun event where we sang, danced, ate Indian food, gave it about 5 minutes as per Al's instructions and danced some more. And of course, we did it all in style. My words can't possibly top the 2nd video, so I'll shut up now:
Mazerino
Al Waris
Fadilicious
Night's end
Thursday, August 28, 2008
My new pride and joy
Check out my new wheels. I found this bad boy unlocked on the street and decided to claim it as my own. If the previous owner needs to find me, I'll be at the scooter party at Delilah's this weekend.
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Day 24 of being tactilely challenged
Hello again. It's been almost 2 weeks since surgery, and things seem to be progressing. I'm still stuck in my plaster and gauze post-surgery splint, and, while it's holding up better than its predecessor, it still bugs the hell out of me. It's tight, itchy, and becoming increasingly moist. The 2 fingers I have free are mostly useless because the cast is so bulky. I still shower with a bag over the arm, and work still sucks one-handed, but all is not lost. I've come up with a compelling story about how I was injured while defending 2 at-risk youths from an escaped polar bear at the zoo that gets better every time I tell it. Dr. BJ can attest, and I can't do it justice in this space. But it's a hit among sympathetic women and old people.
Here's a pic of me with my itchin' stick:
And here's one with my shower cap (sponsored by Patagonia who sent this bag in which my Men's Cordwarmer Jacket was placed):
Congrats to Al, Abhinav and India on their gold, and 8x those congrats to Michael Phelps.
Saturday, August 9, 2008
Al Waris has failed us all
I'm calling him out for not writing anything in weeks. You suck, Al. I can barely type but at least I post every once in a while. What's your excuse?
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Surgerino update
Hello. Just wanted to let everyone know that the surgery went well. I was zonked out and don't remember much but the doctors tell me I have all 10 digits and a screw in right ringy to keep him in line. The painkillers have just worn off and my finger hurts like hell. But I've been upgraded from my old splint that smelled like 10 homeless men stuck in a boiler room after this weekend at Lollapalooza:
To this one:
I can still happily give the thumbs up which is all my right hand is useful for anyway. Thanks for all the texts, email, phone calls and comments. It's all a bit embarrassing for a single broken finger, but I appreciate them all the same.
Finally, I'd like to use this space to formally announce that I will be retiring from co-ed recreational volleyball effective immediately. My heart's just not in it anymore.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Note from the Editor
The well wishes are pouring in, including this submission from our esteemed editor, Tall Paul:
There must have been a city-wide blackout in [location redacted] at some point yesterday, because he took 5 minutes out of his day to actually do work for the blog. Thanks, big guy. Feel free to leave your own messages of support in the comments.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Day 6 of being handicapped (or is it fingercapped?)
Work sucks. My fingers are my moneymakers, and I can only use 5 or 6 of them. But I'm getting plenty of sympathy which suits me just fine. I've politely asked my male co-workers not to use the 3rd stall as it is reserved for us handicapped folks. Fadilicious and HP Laserjet have graciously volunteered to patrol the situation to make sure everyone is compliant with my reasonable request. My splint is starting to smell, but not to the extent that anyone has said anything. I can only hope it holds until next Tuesday, but with Lollapalooza this weekend and 90 degree temperatures in the forecast, it might be a rough couple days. I found a chopstick for scratchin', and I really should get back to that. Thanks for all the well wishes and keep em coming.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
More Hand
Went to the doctor today. He walked in the room and exclaimed, "you need surgery." So, I get cut on Tuesday.
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Quote Du Jour
"When a woman has well-defined arms, you know the rest of the package is great." -Doc Beej
Friday, July 25, 2008
Right Handerino Update :-(
Bad news. Went to ER. Finger broken right near the joint. Might need surgery because of the wonky angle at which it bends. Down to typing with one hand. Sigh.
Friday "Things I Don't Care For" Mashup: Politics and Result of Botched Volleyball Play Edition
By now, everyone should know that I am supporting Obama for president. So today, I would like to change things up a bit in the mashup and make it about two things I don't care for very much, thank you. One is the movable object that is likely to be destroyed by the unstoppable force known as Obama in November. And the other relates to my volleyball mishap from yesterday.
John McPain (in my hand)
Enjoy your weekend. Go see Dark Knight if you haven't already. It's well worth it.
Thursday, July 24, 2008
I'm ill-equipped
Today we had our last regular season volleyball game. We won 2-1 thanks to Al's craftiness, sister of Berg's persistence and Pearface's brute strength and in spite of my gaffes, blunders and general lack of effort. On my third mishit of the game the ball struck my right ring finger at an obtuse angle, sending little ringy reeling toward pinky for consolation. For the rest of the game, I became increasingly more useless as ringy blew up like the 4th of July while simultaneously wilting like a thirsty rose.
Luckily for me, my family and friends are chock full of medical professionals to call upon in trying times like these. So I biked home with my left hand, raided the fridge for ice cubes only to find an empty ice tray, and called my dad:
Me: I hurt my finger
Dad: I'm in an Indian restaurant I can't hear you
Me: I hurt my finger (loudly and with emphasis)
Dad: I'm in an Indian restaurant I can't hear you
(WELL I CAN HEAR YOU)
Great. Dead end. Next, a call to the sister. Shit, voicemail. She's on call. Then, a call to future Dr. BJ.
Doc Beej: Put ice on it.
Thanks, tried that. No ice. And no first aid kit to tape/splint it. So, here I sit, typing with one hand with a frozen piece of Tandoori chicken resting on my wounded digit. Pathetic. Any suggestions from you loyal readers? It took me 30 mins to write this and the chickens defrosting. Oh well, at least I have dinner.
Saturday, July 19, 2008
Mazerino the Hero (continued)
I can afford to take cabs everywhere (see proof to the right), but I am a man of the people. So I was riding the northbound 151 on Saturday. To my surprise and delight, I heard "Sylar (chuckle)." Back in C&E's infancy when we were posting on a regular basis and Fadilicious was still sort of a contributor, I wrote this post about how people kept telling me I looked like Sylar from Heroes. One person in particular was a jovial CTA bus driver. When I looked up at my admirer (no homo), I immediately recognized my biggest fan behind the wheel. What are the odds? Here's how the conversation went:
Driver: "You look like Sylar. Anybody ever tell you that?"
Me: "Yea, I know, I remember you"
Driver: laughs and laughs and laughs..."Oh I told you that before? I hear they're coming back"
Because I watch massive amounts of television, I know that Heroes is coming back this fall and it will prominently feature Sylar as the theme this season is "Villains" (Heroes premieres Monday, September 22 at 9/8 central...give me money, NBC).
Me: "Yes, and the theme is Villains."
Driver: "Oh, yea? I'll have to check that out."
At this point, I have nothing more to say, and the bus is crowded. Also, I'm pinned up front by families of idiot tourists who don't know how to move to the back of the bus.
Me: "Crowded bus tonight, eh?"
Driver: "Yep."
Damnit, that didn't work. And just like that exchange, I have no logical conclusion to this post. So, I'll just end things here.
