To err is Al Waris, to forgive, Mazerino

"I did not have sexual relations with that couch"

Ladies and gentlemen, I am appalled by Al's deception but find his candor in the matter refreshing. A coward would have led you to believe he purchased the RoomPlace Uptown II sofa until you forgot and carried on with your lives. Like Alexander Pope once said, "to err is human, to forgive, divine." It is in that same vein that I accept Al's apology and encourage you to do the same so we can put this whole sordid mess behind us. Let's not forget that while we are all feeling betrayed and bewildered, the real loser in all of this is the RoomPlace at Harlem Furniture.

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Douche of the Week: Campaign Al Edition

Wow, I can’t believe the response we got. Over 200 votes from people who wanted to weigh in on how I decorated my living room. Thanks so much, although I felt a bit like Ed from Ed TV (minus the abs…working on it though).

But I have a confession to make and my heart aches as I make it. Now I know how Bill felt the second time he addressed the nation. After the first round of voting, I was inspired to go out and look at furniture. In my zealousness to right my past wrongs I went a little overboard and purchased a couch. I know, I'm sorry, and that’s why the Douche of the Week title goes to me.
Well why did I let this charade go on? I did not want to upset Mazerino who had so much invested in this so I played him and the rest of you and for that I am sorry.

To compensate,
1) I’m going to get rid of my biggest asset and I promise not to reacquire it for 370 days (that’s one day for every vote that was cast, and one extra day for every vote that was cast for #3). Yes, I am going to get rid of my beard, the beard that got me countless second glances and stares.
2) I relinquish 1% of my 48% stake in C&E and redistribute it among all those who voted.
3) I relinquish my title as VP of the "Poll Fairness and Ethics Committee"
4) I promise never to take off my clothes when I sit on the couch (at least when someone’s in the room)

But there are some positives to this experience
1) Berg and Rach showed that a “get out the vote” campaign really works (More in a forthcoming political post)
2) I bought a couch (Everyone is invited to sit on it and have a glass of red wine if they promise not to spill it)
3) People have learned that a majority does not necessarily translate into a win, especially if the Supreme Court intervenes

Oh… and in case you’re interested I bought #2 in a brown shade. Hopefully it’s worth the burden of letting you down, a burden that I am going to carry with me for the rest of my life.

PS Coming soon...Vote for my bed.

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Friday "Things I Like" Mashup: Politics and Southern States From Which Someone Voted During Campaign Al

We've been on an unpublicized quest to get at least one visit from every state in the US. So far, we've had viewers from 25 states and D.C. and, during Campaign Al, we added a much sought after southern state to the mix. In honor of becoming our 25th state, I am proud to announce this week's mashup:

O-la-bama
Unrelated Camels and Elephants news:
--Al has informed me that he will be writing a response to our campaign on Monday. So, look forward to that.
--Fadilicious has promised to make his long awaited, much anticipated return to the blog later today. If not, he's re-fired.

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Campaign Al: We have a winner!

Wow, what a contest!

From the beginning, you summarily dismissed couch number 1 as bachelor pad-esque and cheesy, and couch 3 looked to be headed for certain victory over form-over-function couch 2. But, late Thursday evening the left-for-dead couch 2 made a strong surge to pull within 8 votes of the lead (excitement!). Then, presumably led by a Berg-ian "get out the vote" effort which netted us some new readers (welcome and feel free to look around), couch 3 took flight yet again.
Over 220 votes later, and we have a winner. Drumroll please. Al will be enjoying his wine in the buff on his Roomplace Uptown II sofa!!! This is what we think that will look like:
Of course, now he actually has to purchase the couch, but that should be formality given the initiative he's demonstrated in the past. What say you, Al? The people have spoken, and the ball is in your court...

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Campaign Al: Let's buy a couch

Thanks to everyone for voting last week. You've inspired Al to finally get off his ass and buy furniture for his living room. I'm proud to announce that he went shopping this weekend and purchased a coffee table, entertainment center and lamp. But, a contest is a contest, and Al held off buying a couch for a week so that you can vote. Without further ado, the options as selected by Al himself:

1. Dania Casal Leather Sofa
Al's comment: "It's more comfortable but it will stick when I sit on it without clothes" [You're welcome for the visual, ladies]

2. Dania Revel Sofa
The color on this one would be Mocha. They did not have a picture.
Al's comment: "It's not comfortable but I'm not gonna sit on it so its fine"

3. Roomplace Uptown II Sofa
Al's comment: "It's easily stainable and you know how I get after 2 red wines"
So, there are your options. Vote early and often and, as always, make your opinions known in the comments.

Revisionist history: Couch selection subject to Approv-Al.

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Campaign Al Update: The votes are in!

The votes are tallied and your voices have been heard loud and clear. Al will be furnishing his living room...with your help. In the next couple of days, we'll post options for couches and entertainment centers for everyone in the world to vote on. Al has promised to finally purchase the winning pieces as the first step toward furnishing his condo. Thanks and stay tuned!!!

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Campaign Al-ert: Let's Furnish Al's Apartment

4/21 UPDATE: Living room is killing in our poll, but fans have until midnight on Wednesday to let their voices be heard. If you have any ideas as to what furniture we should look at (i.e. couch, rug, table, etc) for either room, leave a comment and we'll post options when polling closes.

Loyal readers, one of my fellow bloggers needs your help. Al has a beautiful condo with a stunning view of Lake Michigan, but there are two things missing--a wife and furniture. I can't help him with number 1, but I am starting a campaign to rectify number 2.

Chain of events when moving into a new place:

Normal
1. Rent/Buy place
2. Buy furniture
3. Move in

Al Waris
1. Buy place
2. Move in
3. ???

I can't help but think that he's skipped a vital step in the living space chain of events. Al has a mattress, an old TV, and 2 folding chairs (one of his folding chairs acts as a coffee table in the bedroom, so he only has one effective chair). We've been giving him grief for the past two years to furnish his place, but it's fallen on deaf ears. So, I'm hoping this post will serve to shame him into transforming his empty apartment into a hoppin' pad or at least persuade him to buy a couch. I'm tired of doing 10 minute rotations on the folding chair every time I visit. So, I put it to you, Al fans--what room should he furnish first (vote in the poll on the main page)?

Bedroom*


Living room*


Once we have a decision, we'll post options for beds, couches, TV's, etc.--you know, the normal things people own.

Also, if anyone has recommendations for hip furniture retailers, please post those in the comments. Please do not say Ikea, which literally translates to "most miserable place on Earth" in Swedish, as I have vowed to never again step foot in one.

*I found these pictures in a web album Al posted in May 2005 entitled "Condo before furniture."

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