As promised, Momerino is getting an IOU for a great gift, and I'm proud to announce it for the first time ever on Camels and Elephants:
Longtime Mazfans will know of my affinity for the Wii. It was, after all, the first thing I ever blogged about. What you probably don't know is that it was my wonderful mother who stood in line at the Nintendo World store in NYC last winter to buy me this glorious machine (I still have the voicemail from after she bought it saved). After a few rounds of Wii bowling and boxing she too got Wii-ver (Wii + fever, dummy) and eventually picked one up for herself at her favorite store, Costco.
The next great Wii "game" coming out is Wii Fit, a program with a balance board that teaches you exercises and tracks your progress. So, I've decided, along with my sisters Lanarino and Wallyrino to pre-order my mom a copy for when it comes out later this month--hence the IOU. Happy Mother's day, G!
Publish Post
--Mazerino, Lanarino and Wallyrino
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Momerino's O-momma Day Gift
Friday, May 9, 2008
Friday "Things I Like" Mashup: Politics and Maternal Parent Holiday Edition
Just a quickie mashup, likely posted too late for anyone to read it:
As you may well know, this is a very important weekend for mothers everywhere but Momerino in particular. Saturday is her one week anniversary of appearing on Ellen, and of course Sunday is Mother's Day where she'll be receiving an IOU for a very spectacular gift!!! To celebrate my mom, grandma and all the mom's around the world, I give you this week's mashup:
O-momma Day (a.k.a Oba-mother's Day--I couldn't decide)
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Momerino the international celebrity (for 2 seconds)
Last Friday, around 2:30PM, I was working diligently as usual, and I got a text from my mom. She regularly sends anywhere from 3 to 17 texts every day since I taught her how to use T9Word (big mistake), but this one actually caught my attention:
"I saw Ellen Degeneres she gave me popcorn"
Despite her lack of punctuation, I was intrigued so I called her back to find out what the heck she was talking about. It turns out that Ellen DeGeneres was in Chicago this weekend filming her talk show, and she had a segment where she was handing out Garrett's popcorn to people on the street.
Quick aside: For non-Chicagoans, Garrett's is a "gourmet" popcorn shop on Michigan Avenue that garners huge lines of tourists ([side]walk blockers as I call them) looking for mediocre sweet and salty treats. It's not as big a tourist trap as Navy Pier, but there's really nothing special about the popcorn. There are very few places worth standing in a long line for food, and this isn't one of them. I would however recommend Hot Doug's and my favorite authentic local Mexican place, Chipotle, to tourists and Chicagoans alike looking to quell their hunger.
So, I DVR'ed the Tuesday show to see if I could catch a glimpse of the scene in question and, to my great pleasure, I spotted Momerino within seconds (hooray!):
Celebrities besides Momerino on the show included Robin Williams and recently dismissed American Idol contestants Michael Johns and Carly Smithson. And if you think I name-dropped those celebrities to up our Google cachet, you'd be absolutely correct. I did notice that Ellen does a fair amount of dancing, and while she's great at it, she's not in the same league as this guy.
Monday, May 5, 2008
To err is Al Waris, to forgive, Mazerino
"I did not have sexual relations with that couch"Ladies and gentlemen, I am appalled by Al's deception but find his candor in the matter refreshing. A coward would have led you to believe he purchased the RoomPlace Uptown II sofa until you forgot and carried on with your lives. Like Alexander Pope once said, "to err is human, to forgive, divine." It is in that same vein that I accept Al's apology and encourage you to do the same so we can put this whole sordid mess behind us. Let's not forget that while we are all feeling betrayed and bewildered, the real loser in all of this is the RoomPlace at Harlem Furniture.
Sunday, May 4, 2008
Douche of the Week: Campaign Al Edition
Wow, I can’t believe the response we got. Over 200 votes from people who wanted to weigh in on how I decorated my living room. Thanks so much, although I felt a bit like Ed from Ed TV (minus the abs…working on it though).
But I have a confession to make and my heart aches as I make it. Now I know how Bill felt the second time he addressed the nation. After the first round of voting, I was inspired to go out and look at furniture. In my zealousness to right my past wrongs I went a little overboard and purchased a couch. I know, I'm sorry, and that’s why the Douche of the Week title goes to me.
Well why did I let this charade go on? I did not want to upset Mazerino who had so much invested in this so I played him and the rest of you and for that I am sorry.
To compensate,
1) I’m going to get rid of my biggest asset and I promise not to reacquire it for 370 days (that’s one day for every vote that was cast, and one extra day for every vote that was cast for #3). Yes, I am going to get rid of my beard, the beard that got me countless second glances and stares.
2) I relinquish 1% of my 48% stake in C&E and redistribute it among all those who voted.
3) I relinquish my title as VP of the "Poll Fairness and Ethics Committee"
4) I promise never to take off my clothes when I sit on the couch (at least when someone’s in the room)
But there are some positives to this experience
1) Berg and Rach showed that a “get out the vote” campaign really works (More in a forthcoming political post)
2) I bought a couch (Everyone is invited to sit on it and have a glass of red wine if they promise not to spill it)
3) People have learned that a majority does not necessarily translate into a win, especially if the Supreme Court intervenes
Oh… and in case you’re interested I bought #2 in a brown shade. Hopefully it’s worth the burden of letting you down, a burden that I am going to carry with me for the rest of my life.
PS Coming soon...Vote for my bed.
Friday, May 2, 2008
Friday "Things I Like" Mashup: Politics and Southern States From Which Someone Voted During Campaign Al
We've been on an unpublicized quest to get at least one visit from every state in the US. So far, we've had viewers from 25 states and D.C. and, during Campaign Al, we added a much sought after southern state to the mix. In honor of becoming our 25th state, I am proud to announce this week's mashup:
O-la-bama
Unrelated Camels and Elephants news:
--Al has informed me that he will be writing a response to our campaign on Monday. So, look forward to that.
--Fadilicious has promised to make his long awaited, much anticipated return to the blog later today. If not, he's re-fired.
Campaign Al: We have a winner!
Wow, what a contest!
From the beginning, you summarily dismissed couch number 1 as bachelor pad-esque and cheesy, and couch 3 looked to be headed for certain victory over form-over-function couch 2. But, late Thursday evening the left-for-dead couch 2 made a strong surge to pull within 8 votes of the lead (excitement!). Then, presumably led by a Berg-ian "get out the vote" effort which netted us some new readers (welcome and feel free to look around), couch 3 took flight yet again.
Over 220 votes later, and we have a winner. Drumroll please. Al will be enjoying his wine in the buff on his Roomplace Uptown II sofa!!! This is what we think that will look like:
Of course, now he actually has to purchase the couch, but that should be formality given the initiative he's demonstrated in the past. What say you, Al? The people have spoken, and the ball is in your court...
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Raytard Gerrard
The UEFA Cup, I'm told, is right around the corner. According to my exhaustive Internet research, that means that a bunch of soccer teams will play somewhere in Europe to determine a winner sometime soon. One of our Argentinian viewers Our only Argentinian viewer tipped us off that longtime-reader-no-time commenter of the blog Raytard bears a striking resemblance to Liverpool midfielder Steven Gerrard. If we didn't share a cube wall with Raytard, we'd swear that Raytard is Gerrard.
What do you think? Is Raytard ducking out on his 9 to 5 to spend quality time on the pitch? Does he charge ball carriers instead of expenses? Does he shoot goals instead of emails? Does he tackle balls instead of challenging sales force strategy issues? [I apologize for the crappy attempt at humor in the last 3 questions. I spent 10 minutes looking at a glossary of common soccer terms and thats the best I could do]
Edited to add: Does he excel at more than just Excel? Ok, I'm done now.
Monday, April 28, 2008
Campaign Al: Let's buy a couch
Thanks to everyone for voting last week. You've inspired Al to finally get off his ass and buy furniture for his living room. I'm proud to announce that he went shopping this weekend and purchased a coffee table, entertainment center and lamp. But, a contest is a contest, and Al held off buying a couch for a week so that you can vote. Without further ado, the options as selected by Al himself:
1. Dania Casal Leather Sofa
Al's comment: "It's more comfortable but it will stick when I sit on it without clothes" [You're welcome for the visual, ladies]
2. Dania Revel Sofa
The color on this one would be Mocha. They did not have a picture.
Al's comment: "It's not comfortable but I'm not gonna sit on it so its fine"
3. Roomplace Uptown II Sofa
Al's comment: "It's easily stainable and you know how I get after 2 red wines"
Revisionist history: Couch selection subject to Approv-Al.
Friday, April 25, 2008
Lazy recipe
In keeping with the food theme for today, here’s my attempt to help our most prominent demographic (laz fy, single, overachiever, slender). My minimalist lifestyle forces me to do things which allow me to expend the least energy possible. Eating is one such task--one if was not absolutely necessary for me to continue living and blogging which is something I would certainly pass. Now even I get sick of frozen food, so from time to time I do throw on my “World’s best cook” apron to challenge my culinary faculties. Just to be clear, cooking for me involves use of a knife (or similar cutting implement) OR turning on the cooking range OR use of more than one utensil. To meet my minimalist standards, cooking should also take less than 10 minutes of preparation and less than 10 minutes of cooking time. The following recipe meets all the above criteria and I thank my sister for introducing me to it.
Ingredients:
1 or two chicken breasts (Yes, I said breasts… stop giggling)
One egg
Salt
Pepper
1 slice of bread
Mixed vegetables (I prefer Target’s store brand, but you can get creative with this)
Dash of oil
Preparation:
Clean the chicken since even though you may have resistance to E-coli why take a chance. Hopefully when you selected the breasts you selected the thick ones because the next step involves cutting the breasts vertically into two halves. Beat an egg and some salt and pepper. Crush the bread to crumbs. Dip the chicken in the egg batter, and then cover it with bread crumbs.
Put in a dash of oil if you don't own a non-stick pan. Then throw it onto a heated skillet, 5 minutes on one side then 5 minutes on the other. Throw the veggies on the side of the skillet. Check that the meat is cooked (again if you have resistance to E-coli this could be optional). In 10 minutes you will be ready for a healthy and nutritious meal.
Friday "Things I Like" Mashup: Politics and Bone-in Chop Edition
Due to vacations and a lack of inspiration, I had to take a short break from one of my favorite recurring features. But after a 3 week hiatus, the Friday mashup is finally back. I know some of you are probably saying, how hard is it to slap Barack Obama's name to something you like and make a stupid picture? The answer is not very hard, but I'm lazy and its not like I'm getting tips. So, without further ado:
Ba-rack O' lam-bama!
I'm sorry--that looks kinda gross. I've probably ruined lamb for you. Maybe I should retire this column.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Campaign Al Update: The votes are in!
The votes are tallied and your voices have been heard loud and clear. Al will be furnishing his living room...with your help. In the next couple of days, we'll post options for couches and entertainment centers for everyone in the world to vote on. Al has promised to finally purchase the winning pieces as the first step toward furnishing his condo. Thanks and stay tuned!!!
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Admin Appreciation
Today is Admin Appreciation day, and we would just like to thank our fantastic admins for their continued support. Thanks to Eileen, Emily, Heather and Gillian for always getting us to our destinations without issue and for dealing with Mazerino's stupid requests to install a roof on his cube.
[Placeholder for picture --Al]--Mazerino, Al Waris and Fadilicious
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Guest Column: Plain Jane's Business School Myths Edition
Editor's note: We invite our readers to write their own columns about whatever they please, because, frankly, we're too lazy to write our own stuff (and Fadilicious is MIA). This week's entry comes from Plain Jane. She is a former co-worker of the camels and elephant who abandoned them for seemingly greener pastures at business school. Here is her plight:
Hello dear C&E readers,
As a dedicated reader of C&E, I'm honored to have the opportunity to contribute a guest column for your enjoyment. I am currently attending a fine institution known as the [redacted fancy schmancy school] and wanted to share a few words about the fact that business school just isn't all it's cracked up to be. Hope you enjoy the column as I dispel 4 common business school myths.
Myth #1: The hardest part of business school is getting in.
This is the biggest myth of all of them! Business school is hard!! And I'm not just saying that because I'm of below average intelligence (according to the GMAT, I'm actually supposed to be smarter, on average, than most of my classmates). It was with complete shock and despair that I realized that I actually had to work really hard to understand what's going on. I really wanted to raise my hand on my first day in Finance to ask if I was still at [elite institution which shall not be named] as my head was spinning to try to understand the concept of capital budgeting. And things haven't gotten easier now that I'm in my third quarter. I cry (literally) every Thursday afternoon and early evening as I desperately try to make sense of the Operations cases that are due on Friday mornings. So, remember this, dear bloggers, business school is actually academically quite rigorous! Who knew!?!?
Myth #2: Business will help you find the career of your dreams.
If you think that just having an MBA from a top school will have companies fighting to hire you, YOU ARE WRONG! Most of us left our jobs in to figure out what it is that we REALLY want to do. But there no time for soul searching because you are bombarded with company presentations during week 3 of class! So you'd better know what you want to do by then because schmoozing and kissing ass time is precious and essential to getting those coveted closed list spots on interview schedules. I didn't quite get that and was only invited to interview with 1 firm out of the 22 that I applied to...ouch!!! Luckily, I was able to sign up for the open schedule and did land the "internship of my dreams" (I think), marketing [guns at Toys 'R Us, just kidding--redacted]. Others weren't so luckily, I have fellow friends moving to fabulous places such as St Louis, Minneapolis, Columbus, Cincinnati, and my favorite, Battlecreek, MI for their summer internships.
Myth #3: Business school will help you develop a network of incredibly motivated and intelligent people.
Yes, there are some very smart people in business school. But there a surprisingly large amount of annoying dumb people too! I roll my eyes in class at the comments of my classmate's on a regular basis. I seriously doubt the intelligence of my group members weekly. One group member suggested that to market TiVo's effectively to families that like to watch TV together, they should come preloaded with all past Super Bowl games. What?!?!?! A lot of them just really enjoy the sound of their voice and forget that class is not a private tutoring session with the professor [the irony is not lost on your C&E editor]. When discussing a regression analysis that just happened to be about refrigerators, a student actually raised her hand and started the question with "So, let's say I have a refrigerator..."
Myth #4: Business school will be the best 2 years of your life.
I used to strongly believe this myth and was pumped to begin the "best two years of my life" last August. Now, I firmly believe that it's the best two years for the losers who haven't done anything interesting during the 28 years (on average) before they came to business school. Business school is an amazing opportunity for people to re-live their undergraduate experience. The quiet fat girl has another opportunity to drunkenly hook up with as many guys as she possibly can, seeking love and affection in the wrong places. The dorky skinny guy can finally feel like a frat guy while playing flip cup at the bar with his dorky skinny friends. For those of us who actually had a fun four (or more) years at a decent (ie big ten) university, business school can't even come close!
Conclusion
I may have come out sounding a bit harsh and bitter in this column. Don't get me wrong, I'm having a great time! I roll into school at 10:30 (not unlike some people still working at [my previous awesome company where the camels and elephants reside]), and Tuesday has become my favorite going out night. I have met some awesome people and have probably made a lifelong friend or two. I am learning a lot and have finally conquered my nemesis - finance! I wept tears of joy as the light bulb finally went on, and I accurately calculated a firm's free cash flows. But I wanted to be honest with you, dear readers, business school just isn't all it's cracked up to be. I can sum it up pretty accurately with the following words of wisdom used by my high school principal to describe his experience with our class at graduation: it's been real; it's been fun; but it hasn't been real fun.
Thanks for reading!
--Plain Jane
Monday, April 21, 2008
Controversial Statement Tuesday: Tipping Edition
Tipping is a waste of money!!
(Special mention to anyone who can guess what this picture is actually about)
My views maybe clouded by the s**ty service I received over the weekend ( My co-diner did something about it--see David V). But then again it may just be the Indian in me. Now I’m not cheap (maybe just a little… but who isn’t) but I just feel that the 15% mandatory tip is a joke. So here are the arguments for tipping and my counter arguments
Argument 1 - A tip is mandatory to ensure good service
Counter Argument - If it’s a tip then why is it mandatory? If someone doesn’t serve me as I feel they should, they don’t deserve a tip. Why should I feel guilty? And why should I have to carry cash?
Argument 2 - Poor things, they don’t make much in base pay and tips are the only way they make money
1 Counter Argument – And I should care because? Well boo hoo is all I can say. Get a college degree. I have no intention to fund your bohemian lifestyle or your way through college.
2 Counter Argument – If you feel they should get paid more lobby your congressman/bar owner to increase their pay. I don’t want to decide.
Argument 3 - They provide a service so the tip is to appreciate their service
Counter Argument – I don’t tip my doctor or my lawyer or my real estate agent and furthermore my clients never tip me and I don’t expect them to. Why then should I tip?
Argument 4 - Its not their fault if the cook delays/screws up the order
Counter Argument – Don’t use me to deduce and/or devise your performance evaluation system. You are the best judge of you employees’ performance. So reward them accordingly. Don’t put the customer through the moral dilemma of figuring out what’s a good tip. Moreover calculating the tip is a pain in the posterior. If you think they deserve it make it part of the price. Problem over.
*The opinions expressed by Al-waris do not reflect those of C&E, its editor and its advertisers. In some cases it may not accurately represent what Al himself feels.
Campaign Al-ert: Let's Furnish Al's Apartment
4/21 UPDATE: Living room is killing in our poll, but fans have until midnight on Wednesday to let their voices be heard. If you have any ideas as to what furniture we should look at (i.e. couch, rug, table, etc) for either room, leave a comment and we'll post options when polling closes.
Loyal readers, one of my fellow bloggers needs your help. Al has a beautiful condo with a stunning view of Lake Michigan, but there are two things missing--a wife and furniture. I can't help him with number 1, but I am starting a campaign to rectify number 2.
Chain of events when moving into a new place:
Normal
1. Rent/Buy place
2. Buy furniture
3. Move in
Al Waris
1. Buy place
2. Move in
3. ???
I can't help but think that he's skipped a vital step in the living space chain of events. Al has a mattress, an old TV, and 2 folding chairs (one of his folding chairs acts as a coffee table in the bedroom, so he only has one effective chair). We've been giving him grief for the past two years to furnish his place, but it's fallen on deaf ears. So, I'm hoping this post will serve to shame him into transforming his empty apartment into a hoppin' pad or at least persuade him to buy a couch. I'm tired of doing 10 minute rotations on the folding chair every time I visit. So, I put it to you, Al fans--what room should he furnish first (vote in the poll on the main page)?
Bedroom*
Living room*
Once we have a decision, we'll post options for beds, couches, TV's, etc.--you know, the normal things people own.
Also, if anyone has recommendations for hip furniture retailers, please post those in the comments. Please do not say Ikea, which literally translates to "most miserable place on Earth" in Swedish, as I have vowed to never again step foot in one.
*I found these pictures in a web album Al posted in May 2005 entitled "Condo before furniture."
Friday, April 18, 2008
Mixed signals from Facebook
If you're like me, you're a member of the vast Internet community called Facebook. Like most websites, Facebook tries to make money by targeting advertisements to their audience, which seems like a superbly easy thing to do when you know everything about a person from his/her profile. For example, I list my favorite music as the "Fresh Prince of Bel Air" theme song, and my favorite TV Show as Gossip Girl* (a must see: the chemistry between young actors Penn Badgley and Blake Lively is palpable). So, I could theoretically get ads for the Beverly Hills 90210 DVD Box Set (teen soap+early to mid 90's nostalgia). As such, I've been getting mixed signals from my Facebook ads:
1. Stop Browsing Profiles
Ok, maybe this is fair. I do spend a lot of time photolurking and even list it as one of my interests.
2. Meet some Pumas, Cougars and Jaguars
Maybe they've seen my video
3. Dating for losers
Wait, I thought you wanted me to get off the internet?
4. Meet local dudes
Here's where things start to get strange. According to Facebook, I'm an internet savvy female-deprived loser. So, I should probably just go gay.
5. Re-grow your hair
Oh yea, Facebook, now I'm balding? Go ask my hairdresser Marcella and she'll tell you I have the thickest coif she's ever seen.
6. [Ad for Starfruit, a new hipster frozen yogurt place in Bucktown]--I forgot to take a screenshot, and I haven't seen it since :(
I don't care if they are opening a Pinkberry in Chicago or if TCBY is making a comeback. Fro-yo is so 1996.
So, to recap, according to Facebook, I am so desperate from going bald that I'll go for men or women of pretty much any age. And if I ever do end up meeting one or the other, we'll probably go out for frozen yogurt. They got me.
Bonus:
Does handsome count as a disability?
*CW, please sponsor us.
We dodged a bullet
All camels and elephants are present and accounted for after last night's shocking earthquake rocked through Illinois. No injured trunks or humps have been reported as of press time. Normal blogging operations will resume shortly.
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Douche of the Week Guest Column: Swpski's Roommate Edition
Editor's note: Swpski is a friend of the blog and occasional commenter who moved from Chicago to the great state of California last year. Here is his story:
I was going to write a witty response to Mazerino's post on dogs. I side with the man after being hit in the secret no-no spot by the same dog in question. I say if you are going to have something that you have to constantly take care of and clean up poop after, make it a kid. That way in forty years when I am allowed to retire, at least someone will be funding my Social Security benefits... I instead have decided to write about a human douchebag of the week--one of my roommates who Mazerino and Dr. BJ know all to well as the human box (he's as wide as he is tall).
Last night I came back from the gym to find his fat ass on the couch watching "Seinfeld" and burning incense. If I want to smell like a hippie I will go hang out in Golden Gate Park (happens to be his favorite place to go to on a Sunday).
Sunday morning I drove home two hours from camping, and his lazy ass asks me for a ride to work. He has to be there by noon, and he is going to be late if I don't give him a ride. If you can't make it to a job by noon on a Sunday you are a dumbass. He also told me I should watch "Walk Hard, the Dewey Cox story" because it was hilarious. I told him I couldn't take him to work because I was going mountain biking. I sat at home and watched the Dewey Cox movie. It was horrible.
Based on the aforementioned misdeeds and a laundry list of other impolite infractions, the human box is our reigning "Douche of the Week or Time It Takes to Name a New Douche."
--Swpski
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Controversial Statement Tuesday: Canine Edition
Dogs suck*.
Reason #2: They stink up my bus stop. When the temperature rises above freezing and dog owners actually make the effort to pick up after their canine douches of the week (I'm looking at you, Doc), the trash can next to my bus stop fills up with these scented bags of filth. Every 3-4 days when the cup overfloweth, the wait for the next set of bus-bunched 151's is unbearable.
Reason #3. They touch me inappropriately. Whenever I visit a certain friend of mine who shall go unnamed, his overzealous dog goes straight for my moneymaker.
*The opinions expressed by Mazerino do not reflect those of C&E, its editor and its advertisers
